The Forward March

Loss matters, but what we choose to do afterward matters just as much, if not more. It’s what lives on, affecting your life. The afterward represents your level of healing and determines the quality of your relationship with yourself and others. Therefore, it’s wise to focus on the forward march.

Death is not the only type of loss we face throughout our lives. Grief comes in all shapes and sizes.

We experience it every day and is sometimes hard to recognize: a job, a home, your favorite store, your routine. But the most grueling loss by far is people, dead or alive. I’ve had my fair share of loss—five close family members inside of three years. Four of those deaths were sudden and unexpected. My brother was the last to go. I’ve also lost friendships through the years, some which still haunt me.

With each loss we decide to become bitter or better. Sure, we can pick ourselves up and soldier on, that is well and good. But if we want to grow from grief instead of muddle through, we must transform, and transformation occurs when the forward march is filled with substance.

Ask yourself if you are forging forth with knotted fists and a scowl on your face or moving forward grounded in the intention of healing.

There is a broad selection of marches available to choose from while moving through the many forms of loss, a wide spectrum of varied response: To move through an interpersonal conflict, you can shoot a text and a smiley face to smooth things over, selecting a nebulous spot on the spectrum. Or you can visit the extreme end and avoid the situation entirely by refusing to speak to the one who hurt you.

The optional rest stops along the march are plentiful as well. Finding a comfortable place where all is quiet but unhealed, you can avoid further distressing conversations for a while. Once comfortable, the situation begins to agitate and you are faced with the choice to grow or to live in perpetual pissed-offness: at your partner, politicians, family members with differing views, the loss itself, or the world.

You can either live with righteous anger or muster bravery and continue to have honest conversations with yourself and others at each potential stop to mend the unease, both inside and between parties.

I highly recommend the latter, for the forward march holds the greatest value if the steps are taken with renewed vision and purpose.

Hit it head on, jump into the pain, and heal; offer an apology and attempt to reconcile the connection. Digging deep for the motive that drove your behavior and owning your part grants you courage to say what needs to be said with humility, love, and compassion for everyone involved, including yourself.

These same principles hold true for healing the loss of your beloved. Just replace the other party with your broken spirit. Do not avoid your grief. Rather, address yourself gently, and honestly. Speak with grace. When you must rest, rest, but make sure to continue the conversation when you are ready.

Set your vision to the channel of peace and do it. Your soul will thank you.