Fellow Sufferers

It’s challenging (and quite frustrating) to make heads or tails of the behavior of some powerful people on Earth. We may view them as immoral, but they, like us at times, are fellow sufferers caught in the trappings of the material world. Their sometimes unmanageable human instincts, driven by fear, are what make them strive for worldly possessions and control. Good news…we don’t have to make heads or tails of their behavior, or anyone else’s; it’s not our job to figure it out. But we often try, and we do this through judgment.

If you want to stop judging, replace it with something else, like understanding.

We should spend more time seeking to understand people and what drives behavior and much less time judging them. And we should spend the most time trying to reach this ideal with the most troubled souls. The more troubled they are, the more understanding they need, the less judgment.

What do we do with feelings that show up against our best effort not to judge? We discern. Discernment, as it relates to judgment, means to assess a situation or behavior without assigning a value to it. You are simply viewing it as an event happening around you, not to you. Feelings may arise but you are emotionally unattached; unharmed.

This perception helps you to see the situation or hear the words with a neutral, unbiased attitude, and the need to formulate a judgment becomes obsolete.

Judgment is notoriously negative, and heavy—you don’t need to be weighed down like that. The energy of discernment is lighter, even when observing a heavy situation. As you hover above, watching events unfold but not becoming bogged down with a judgmental reaction (usually based in fear), you have the power to feel without the emotional charge. By taking an elevated view, observing, and discerning rather than internalizing and judging, you can quickly move towards understanding. Composed in discernment and in levity, you will find it easier to shift your perspective from fear and judgment to understanding and compassion.

This is when your ego can work for you. Our egos make us process life in relation to ourselves, and we judge something or someone when we have a personal connection to what’s happening. If we didn’t have an attachment to it, we would not care. Ask yourself why or how the person or situation is affecting you. What is the fear?

Then remove your attachment by addressing the fear. You will feel safe in your emotions regardless of what’s going on around you.

For example, you drive past a political rally supporting an issue you are passionately opposed to. Your default may be to judge the people at the rally, especially the ones holding offensive, reprehensible signs. You wonder how any decent person can feel that way and you automatically assign them a deplorable character (which is most likely not the case). This is when you make a concerted effort to remove your emotional response. Attempt to discern their beliefs without a personal attachment: First, identity your fear. Why does it bother you? Get radically honest and humble. Then put the fear in perspective. Is it legitimate? Does this person or their views pose imminent threat to you personally, right now?

If you cannot remove the personal attachment, then make it personal! Consider how the fear of the person holding the sign is similar to your own. It may be packaged differently, but if you look hard enough you will find common ground. Realizing we are soul’s coequal in stature, with similar emotions, fears, and pain, we see others as extensions of ourselves and it feels natural not to judge.

You will never master fear but it need not be your master.

Will you recognize fear before it turns to judgment? Will you choose a different emotional response? Your response, if you even feel the need to respond, is likely to be based in understanding, compassion, and love.