It’s bigger than us (u.s.)

Last October I spent two weeks abroad exploring the beautiful country of Italy, my Motherland. I had never traveled abroad, and although it was a fantastic experience overall, I was quite dismayed at the lack of personal human connection and basic consideration of one another. (I’m speaking about tourists, not Italians.)

I boarded my flight in Denver hopeful that people in foreign lands are kinder and less self-centered than the “Ugly American.”

I was wrong.

I often play a game with my two daughters. We call it “Operation Connect.” We smile at people with the intention of brightening their day, hopeful to receive a smile in return. In Italy, we smiled at many people, most did not smile back. More disturbingly, at times nary an acknowledgment of our existence was felt. Not a head nod, not an eyebrow raise…niente!

I’m not sure why the blatant disregard, but I assure you with confidence that this behavior it not reserved to Americans alone. Yes, people were on vacation, and we tend to be a bit more self-involved when focused on achieving an optimal state of relaxation, or when attempting to consume as much information about the Vatican as humanly possible. Many of us go on vacation seeking solitude but must we neglect common courtesy (the lack of spatial awareness was astounding!) in pursuit of tranquility? Does maximum enjoyment demand disconnection from others? Must we spin a tightly knit cocoon of silk, soft yet suffocating, where we protect ourselves from pesky humans at the expense of joy that abounds with connection?

Common courtesy and what is considered respectful differs between cultures, I get that.

However, smiling is universal and looking away when someone smiles at another indicates something more profound than cultural differences.

My aforementioned musings beckon yet another question: Why are we running from each other and not toward each other? Why do we feel so unsafe among our fellow brethren? Why all the competition to be first in line, first off the train, first to the top of the Duomo? Why all the scarcity? (Okay, it beckons 4 more questions!)

We are convinced we are more different than we are alike.

We have been taught to fear each other (especially those of a different nationality), and this mindset is the biggest, most scandalous public relations stunt of all time. It’s very intentional, and undoubtedly premeditated.

If we are against each other, and disconnected, we feel depressed. We then become desperate for alternative solutions for joy including shopping for stuff we don’t need (sometimes with the intention of keeping up with the Jones’), sugary (and alcoholic) drinks and unhealthy food which poison our body and keep us intertwined with a “health” care system that seeks to keep us sick. It forces addiction to pharmaceuticals, social media, and Amazon. When these tactics fail to signal the reward system in our brains adequately, we succumb to the ultimate dopamine-producer, the hardening of political beliefs with the “I’m right” attitude.

Being right (strengthening the ego) feels good. Moreover, it helps us feel safe in an unsafe world. (Listen to S1E1 “Light ‘Em Up” and S1E11 “Down With the Sickness” on my podcast Sol Rising to hear more about this.)

I learned a valuable lesson in the land of free-flowing red wine and olive oil: America, and those who live here, are not the problem as I once believed. All humans are suffering the pain of coexistence, and we need to give each other grace. I sometimes fail at this; I certainly did in Italy.

After a few days in total disbelief (and judgment) of the behavior I witnessed, I said to my husband, “We just have to love them.” After that, when someone was rude, we would say aloud to one another, “love, love, love.” It reminded us of our mission to rise above and love all people regardless of their behavior. This perception restored peace to our vacation, and we bestowed this high vibe energy onto whichever adorable Italian village we visited each day.

We did our part.

I left Italy with the understanding that a perfect society located in some distant place filled with sunshine, flowers, and genuinely connected humans probably does not exist, or at least, is not easy to find. Albeit not a pleasant realization, I returned home with more conviction than ever to cultivate belonging for me and others wherever I am on the road of life. I’ve doubled down on my commitment to help people heal their energy in order to heal the collective.

Once again, my pain turned into power.

I wish the world were a better place. Alas, this is the world we live in, and this trip reinforced the wisdom that the answer lies within; a better world begins with those willing to be an example of kindness, love, and connection regardless of what’s going on around them.

The answer begins with you.