Share the Burden
Contrary to popular belief, Charles Darwin did not say the strongest among us will survive. He said the ones who can successfully adapt and adjust to their changing environment will survive.
Any change in environment, big or small, wanted or not, requires a shift in perspective and all shifts in perspective transform one’s emotional nature. So, it makes sense that Darwin’s “survival of the fittest” philosophy applies just as much to physical surroundings as it does to emotions; they are one and the same.
The greatest strength of all lies in emotional adaptation.
Adapting or adjusting means we need to roll with the punches. It means we accept life on life’s terms, sometimes quite painful terms. How do we accept and emotionally adapt to life’s challenges? By creating meaning for the change so we can do it willingly, and if possible, with a measure of excitement. And we do this together.
One woman I credit for walking me into the light of sobriety once said, “Nobody gets out unscathed.” Boy, is that true! If we all feel the wrath at some point in our lives, can we please bear the scathing together? Can we lessen the pain just a bit? There is nothing noble about suffering quietly. Instead of acting like it’s an enviable character trait to shoulder the agony alone, barely keeping the 350 lb. barbell suspended overhead but trying our darnedest because we think it makes us look strong, can we please portion out the weight? Everyone takes a hit now and then (or two or twelve), and you were not meant to brave the brutality alone.
Let’s share the burden.
Accept help when offered. You do not have to feel bad for “putting someone out.” Feeling bad when someone does something kind or goes out of their way for you is a sign you are about to take their power away. Refusing help because you are worried it will make others uncomfortable is doing them a disservice—you eliminate their choice to meet you in your suffering and to help you. You deny them the opportunity to practice compassion and love, and to find connection.
People want to help because they want you to feel better but mainly they like how it feels to be of service. Whether it’s lending an ear, a ride to the airport, or a hand to hold after surgery or at the funeral, let others love you. Trust their offering is genuine. Do not limit someone’s potential to be of service. And when you ask for help and they agree, believe they are doing it because they genuinely care for you.
When you know you need a shoulder to cry on, go find one. If you have a problem, seek help. Connect with your Higher Power and ask who to reach out to and do it quickly. This is not a tail-between-the-legs activity. Cutting self-reliance turns into empowerment as you take charge of your life and your healing.
